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Post by Health on Jul 8, 2006 21:54:14 GMT -5
“Edward gave the Lady Anna a smug look before grabbing her hand, the one that was positioned to slap him, “Come now Annie don’t be like that,” he whispered turning her around and latching his arms on her waist.
“Unhand me Edward or I will slap you!” Lady Anne said trying to break herself from his grasp. She let out a surprise gasp as Edward began kissing her neck, “No don’t, this is improper.”
“Pst, hey, Glenda,” the baker’s assistant said poking a short, chucky woman with frizzled brown hair.
“What? I’m busy?” the woman said a little too loudly causing the people in the church to turn around a look at them.
“The bride’s coming,” the assistant said pointing to the aisle.
“Good for him, he’s finally getting out of the unmarried pool,” Glenda growled and went back to her book.
‘Wait, him?” the assistant asked and paled a little.
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Post by Zeb on Jul 8, 2006 22:00:13 GMT -5
Walking wobbily down the isle in white heels, a little bit of hairy leg showing underneath the glamourous white wedding gown, was a tall, lanky, and unbelievably flat chested bride. Their face was covered by a veil, little strands of black hair coming beneath it.
"Shhhh!" One of the other guests said to Glenda and the baker's assistant. Glenda looked as if she would say something, but the baker's assitant, Juan, elbowed her and gave her a stern look, then smiled as the bride passed them and made their way up to the groom. The music stopped. The serivice began.
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Post by Health on Jul 8, 2006 22:09:57 GMT -5
Glenda gave the ssher the middle finger, which made the ssher flush in anger and mutter, "Well I never."
Glenda smirked and looked up at the alter, first she looked at the brides maids, many of them were teachers from Hogwarts, others Glenda didn't know or care about. Pretty much was the same for the grooms. But Glenda's eyes focused on the flower girl, or in this case, flower man.
Maybe it was a joke, but glenda didn't care the man was handsome, with curly blond hair, blue eyes, and a twinkling smile. He kind of reminder her of that Lockheart fellow who wrote all those books, but it couldn't be.
She did have to give the bride props, he had good taste in weddlings, the red and black decorations looked elegant and mature. But from Glenda's point of view the bride was a total bridezilla, he had made her redo the cake three times! by the end of the third try Juan had to hold Glenda back from hexing the bride into next year.
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Post by Zeb on Jul 8, 2006 22:16:59 GMT -5
She had ended up hexing Juan, though, which explained why he was sitting funny.
The groom, named Billy-Bob, beamed with pride. He watched as his wife-to-be walked towards him, coming to stand beside him. He smiled to him, then turned to the preacher.
"Isn't it lovely?" Juan said, shifting uncomfortaly in his seat.
"Enough to make me want to kick a puppy." Glenda hissed, her arms folded. She was mad because she couldn't finish her novel. Oh, well. She could preoccupy her time staring at the Lockheart-look-alike's nice butt.
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Post by Health on Jul 8, 2006 22:23:32 GMT -5
"Deawe bewuved, ve are gother here today, wo join man anh, ah, man!" the priest began. Billy Bob pulled back the veil of his wife to be, Severus Snape.
"You look right pretty," Billy Bob murmured to Snape and grinned showing off his perfect teeth, perfect smile, perfect body.
'Thank you, my love," Severus said her pale skin flushing a little as he looked into Billy Bob's eyes.
Nearby Voldermont, Severus' Maid of Honor sobbed into a tissue, "He looks so beautiful!" he sobbed as Dumbledore patted Voldermont's back.
"Whooo, go Sevie!" Lupin and Sirius yelled from the back of the church holding up lighters, but it didn't last long began they accidentally caught each other on fire and ran screaming out of the church.
Glenda's fingers itched to reach for her book, but she was still mezmorized by the Lock-a-like to actually read.
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Post by Zeb on Jul 8, 2006 22:30:39 GMT -5
The service passed smoothly, without so much as Sirius and Remus catching themselves on fire (again). Later, they would blame it on the fact that they have such long, lovely hair and the flames were just so pretty. But, that's beside the point.
Outside the doors, there was a shuffle of feet.
"Has he said it yet?"
"I don't know! Shh, let me listen!"
"...Has he-"
"SHHHHH!!"
"But-"
"Oh, I give up!"
The doors flew open to reveal Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived and the Chosen One, and Ron Weasly, who has no nickname other than Won-Won and Likkle Ronnikins.
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Post by Health on Jul 8, 2006 22:41:33 GMT -5
"I object!" Harry cried out scaring the bazjesus out of everyone in church.
"Zeus this is the third interuption today!" Mr. Weasley said and pointed over to a caged off area that was filled with an assortment of pretty girls, with color changing eyes, with some sort of magical animal, and no personalities.
"But you don't understand," Harry said running up the aisle and grabbing Severus' hand, 'I love you Professor Severus Snape, I was wrong to leave you when I left Hogwarts, please forgive me!"
Ron then ran up to Voldermort, "Voldie, my love," he began.
"Don't you start that again mister!" Voldermort growled yanking his hand away, "We're through Ronald Weasley!"
"Hey since we're stating thing," Glenda said standing up, "Hey Flower man, let's go to the closet and test your 'magic,' skills," she said and Lockheart squealed like a little girl making a run for it and Glenda, though chucky ran after him with speed.
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Post by Zeb on Jul 8, 2006 22:48:42 GMT -5
So, with the wedding interrupted, the woman who had been hired to be the 'mother of the bride' started to cry. "My baby!" She wailed.
"Oh, shut up." Juan said, chucking an egg beater at her as he watched what would unfold.
Voldemort stared at Ron, his hands on his hips with one c.ocked. "I'm not putting up with your crap anymore." He said, "It's 'Harry this' and 'Hermoine that' and 'Draco's so freakin' hot'. I won't take it anymore!"
Ron looked desolate, "But baby-"
Voldemort cut him off, "Uh, talk to the hand, because the face don't care."
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Post by Health on Jul 9, 2006 0:05:20 GMT -5
Ron's eyes filled with tears, "Fine, if I can't love you I might as well be dead!" He yelled pulling a potion out of his robes and swallowing, he made a gurling noise and fell over dead.
"Ronald my love!" Voldermont said and wept over his body, 'Oh what cruel fate," and then Voldermort aimed his wand into his stomach and yelled, "KADAVDEADRQ!" and died.
"Gosh, what drama queens!" Juan said rolling his eyes.
"Unhand my Potions Professor," Billy Bob growled grabbing Harry by the hand and lifting him in the air.
"No Billy don't hurt him, you're the only man for me!" Severus said and started crying.
"Here Lockheart, Lockheart, look shiney tin foil," Glenda said waving tin foil at Lockheart who was hanging off the chandilier, she grinned hopefully at him.
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Post by Zeb on Jul 9, 2006 10:43:39 GMT -5
Lockheart drooled. "Shiney... pretty... I'm pretty!" He giggled giddly.
"Yes, yes you are." Glenda said, grinning, "Now come down so you can look at yourself in this." She waved the tin foil again.
"Unhand me!" Harry yelled, trying to sound noble. He struggled, then pulled out his wand, "PUTMEDOWNICUS!" He screamed. Billy set him down.
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Post by Health on Jul 9, 2006 12:10:49 GMT -5
Billy and Harry circled each other their wands drawn, magical wands you pervs! Eh, either way it sounds pervie, anyway.
"You broke Severus' heart and I was the one he turned to," Billy Bob growled throwing a curse and Harry.
Harry dodged, "I had to leave, I had to grow, but I want to be back in your life Severus!" Harry cried out before returning a curse. Throwing curses back and forth happened for ten more minutes before Severus jumped in.
"Stop it both of you! You've killed off all the guests of my wedding!" Severus cried and Billy and Harry looked around the halfway burnt church at all the bodies.
"Whoops," Harry said looking sheepish.
"Come on Lockheart into the cage!" Glenda said throwing the tin foil into a large kennel and squeal in excitement as Lockheart chased after it and she slammed the kennel door shut and locked it.
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Post by Zeb on Jul 9, 2006 12:50:50 GMT -5
"Well, you can't have him back." Billy-bob said as he walked over to Severus, "He's mine." He leaned in to kiss Snape.
"NOooooOoooOOOoooOOooooOo!!!1!!@2!!exclamationpoint!!" Harry screamed in dismay.
"Lockheaaaart." Glenda said, reaching in the pet her new captive's boyfriend's head, "Lets go back to my place and look in mirrors."
"Yaaaay!" Lockheart said, nibbling on the tin foil.
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Post by Health on Jul 9, 2006 13:01:33 GMT -5
"Rosebbbbuuuuuddddd!" Harry yelled out and then tackles Billy Bob.
"Boys please quit figting over little ole me!" Severus said, "Besides I don't love either of you!" There was suddenly the sound of a flying motorcycle, "Hagrid about time!"
Glenda blinked a few times, "Are those sirens?" she asked and peeked out the window, "Holy bats, Batman we got a problem!" she said dragging Lockheart by the hair and dragging him to the motorcycle, "The Cops are coming," she said hitting Billy Bob over the head with Lockheart's thick skull, "That's for wearing a powder blue suit to a wedding!" she added jumping onto the motorcycle, "Come on, everyone on we can hide out in my shop!"
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